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NEW LJ! please read

Posted on 2008.07.19 at 17:29

Okay guys, because of all the emo-like feelings last time...
I decided it was time for a fresh start.
Which means new Journal.

I promised Fatima that I'm going to update this new one daily.
(Or as much as possible)
So it will be Friends Only from now on.
I'd love it if you'd add me
Because that just rocks.
But if not...then bye bye!
I won't be posting here again!

in_it_together</div></div></div>Please please please if you are my friend then add me!


Lies lies lies

Posted on 2008.07.12 at 19:20
So I cut off my hair (from somewhere low on my back to my shoulders), got new glasses and started wearing different clothes and jewelery. Why? May you ask. Because change is as good as a holiday.

I only have one week left at home and now I'm actually sad to leave my parents again. But I think I NEED to do this. I need to go back to my dorm and my friends. I need to bash HIM with all my might and get drunk and forget that I EVER loved him. I need my best friend in the dorm to sit next to me as I send him a text to let him know I never want to talk to him again - that he hurt me beyond control.

The funny thing is - I told him I hate lies. That Stefan did that to me so much that if he's going to do it he should rather just leave. But he promised he wouldn't.

WTF happened to that promise?

Another girl. How bloody ironic. Another girl - again.

Once again I told him that Stefan was seeing another girl........


Okay that's my rant.
I'm cold and tired and not wanting to fight.
With anyone.
I just want to go lie in bed and sleep.
And wake up in my dorm.
With my friends.



Posted on 2008.06.28 at 01:29
I don't think being at home for 6 weeks is putting me in such a happy place that I wanted to be. I begged to come home after Abi died - to get out of the dorm, the passage, the place she had grown so deep into our hearts. Yet here it feels so much...closed off. I don't have friends here anymore to say that right now I'm not feeling okay. No-one that recognizes that those smiles and laughs are fake. The worst part is knowing that this is my problem that I have to go through.

My friend and I had a fight at my dance because I don't believe in love anymore. Well true love actually. God, he spent a full four hours lecturing me that I was living for no reason then. And you know I couldn't find one single thing to say to him except sit there and listen to him. He asked me questions that I answered with blankness because I couldn't find any answers. It got me thinking.

Why the fuck do I feel so alone all the time?

And I know I'm not alone, and I know this feeling isn't right...but why does it happen to me - why doesn't that feeling ever fade away?

I don't know what else to say. It's 1:39 in the morning and I'm sitting in front of the computer faking my way through a conversation because that person can't see past their own problems. Or maybe they just don't want to - who knows.

That's all complaining for me for now.


Fuck this

Posted on 2008.06.22 at 21:21
I thought it would make me happy but I guess it doesn't. I'm frowning more than I smile, worrying more than I'm excited.

I really wanted this to work. But I guess I have to be drunk to enjoy it. Or more likely, HE has to be drunk to be fakely enjoying it.

RIP Sheldon
RIP Gerda
RIP De Wet

You all meant so much to me, and you all were taken so suddenly. Specially Abi & Sheldon. You guys were my friends. You will be missed.

Posted on 2008.04.14 at 23:37

I'm still pissed off. I just can't figure out why I'm taking everything this way. Like it's the biggest insult.

Maybe cause it is.

I don't know anymore.
I don't care.

Jump off a bridge for all I care.


Piss me off and die

Posted on 2008.04.10 at 22:37
I'm still in my foul mood and I think it has everything to do with whats been going on. I won't state what but let's just say I'm tired. And that I've realized what it all really means and why what I did was of no pros for me. Selfless act...which I wanted to do for myself. How stupid could I get. To think that it would work out? FUCKEN STUPID. Which it was different but even with that I know who I am.

The impatient bitch.

So not much has changed at all. I'm still a bitch, still impatient and still struggling. What a way to go.

And if this doesn't make sense at all then don't worry. I needed to say it out loud - to admit that my plan had failed.

But if one good thing is in this life - it is that Mario's cancer has stopped spreading and they found everything.



Posted on 2008.04.08 at 14:18
Dear who ever cares.

I'm in the fucking worst mood possible.

The supreme impatient bitch.

*PS I broke the KKKKK on my laptop*



Posted on 2008.04.05 at 13:27
So, I started a role playing board for the shows Gossip Girl, One tree hill and supernatural.

Well the problem is, now we need members. As in loads of them.

So if you can role play - please come and join!



Gossip Girl RP

Posted on 2008.04.02 at 09:30
If you love to RP or even wanna start - I invite you to join an amazing Gossip Girl RP board! It's pretty cool, though I still have yet to understand what I'm doing! Come make your own character and party it up with my original character (Lyla Scott!)! Plus, if you make a guy we can totally hook-up lol!

Here's the board! Please join!


Come on guys, even if you don't RP in gossip girl - give it a chance...for ME?


I'm going home...

Posted on 2008.03.20 at 08:57
You can't beat today.
Probably the best day of the year.
(Except for my birthday)

Why you may ask...

It's because my parents are picking me up today from college for a week long holiday! And what's better - I have absolutely no class on the last day of the term!


So right now I'm waiting for my parents cause it's a 12 hour drive from my hometown and yeah...plus I'm waiting for my roommate who I already love like a sister so we can say goodbye to each other. (We texted each other this morning - she's already at home - and said that we like having roommates now and that for the next 3 years at this sorority we want to be roommates because we don't think we'll survive with other roomies.)

So yeah, this is me being happy beyond words for once! (Plus I'm watching old Disney movies so you can't help but feel the love!)

I'm out of here for now!

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